Heartache, Heavenly Prayer, and a Birthday

Heartache, Heavenly Prayer, and a Birthday

As I write into this piece, I ask the Good Lord Almighty “Hakadosh Baruch Hu, assist me in acceptance of this life you’ve granted me. This life is a bird’s eye view of brilliance. Far above the peaks of snow capped mountain ranges, and deep down into valleys with their glistening rivers I see Your Finger, gently touching, sculpting. I stop to observe, and yet You encourage me on. “Go!” You whisper. “I have greater plans for you.”

I follow downstream, noticing the gently rushing current of the river. It’s more than I can bear to watch’ movement beyond what I care to endure. It moves, ever more. I run, barefoot along the pebbles, pounding along the gravel. I am out of breath and panting. And yet, You urge me on.

I’ve lost all breath. It catches in my throat, as I sputter, going on. The recent run has tired me, and yet I know I must go on. I look Heavenward, and know there is a plan, an elusive ever destined route. Soft sweet grasses pass beneath my feet, intermingling the rocks, as I continue on, gentle bouts of water spurting from the stream forever moving on.

The waters continue on beside me, as I continue on beyond. Sun glistens below, upon the blades of grass, honeysuckle, milkweed. A gentle lapping upon the shore, and yet, there is no rest – I must continue on, for You urge me to continue on.

My footsteps falter in this tired site of beauty. For how can I continue on? You are right here and beside me, yet You urge me only, on,…on,…on….

“Child, take a step. One, and then. Continue on, beyond. Believe.”

“Climb beyond….”

“Take with you the memories of all you see. Build. Accept. And hold Me dear. I am near. I am always near.”

I continue on. One step, two, “Heavenly Father! Direct me! ASSIST ME! I know that you are here and yet I weep. The exhaustion, how am I to go on, and to sustain? I pray from You, Hashem….”

“Just keep on walking.”

I walk, I climb. I’ve left the beaten path. I see stream is far below. Honeysuckle, tall grasses, blinding skies above, and I climb, for I will climb. The sea beyond, with its great caps.

You Greatness, Your Vastness, Hashem, my Lord, I can’t imagine. You have a plan for me. I sink to my knees. And cry. I pray. Help me to continue on; to know You are directing me.

One more year, I’ll build great things. You’ve helped me to each day.


25 Ways I’m Working on Growing as a Homemaker


This is a post that doesn’t need much pretext. We’re all growing. Looking back over the years since getting married and beginning to keep house, there are so many areas in which I’ve grown, and in which each woman is working on continuously learning. This list is me being honest with myself and with the world. Sometimes facing our vulnerabilities is the push we need to begin tackling them.

This list didn’t take me long, and I could add so much more. Be honest with yourself and sit down to write a similar one. What areas are you consciously working on? In which areas might you benefit from applying further effort? Start small, begin moving, and enjoy the momentum of growth.

Here’s my list:

  1. Looking at food prices before buying.
  2. Maintaining consistent meal planning.
  3. Making meals instead of eating out.
  4. Price comparing groceries before going to shop.
  5. Throwing away less food.
  6. Tracking my daily expenditures.
  7. Putting things back in their place.
  8. Kicking my procrastination habit.
  9. Cleaning the nitty gritty areas of the house.
  10. Creating a consistent bedtime routine.
  11. Going to sleep early – any night owls want to join me in this one? :)
  12. Waking up earlier than previously and beginning my day intentionally.
  13. Goal setting.
  14. Goal tracking.
  15. Turning a workout into habit – healthy homemaker = healthy home.
  16. Drinking more water.
  17. Following through with the mail inbox system I’ve recently implemented.
  18. Paying bills on time, all the time.
  19. Being more patient with the little guy.
  20. Not raising my voice as much with the little guy.
  21. Not checking my phone notifications once little guy comes home from school until after bedtime.
  22. Saying ‘no’ to projects when they’re more than I can chew.
  23. Tracking gifts I need to buy / send.
  24. Coming in to Shabbos in a relaxed manned.
  25. Building my relationship with the Almighty.

It all begins with one step.

What is an area in which you’ve grown since beginning your journey as a homemaker? Share below!